She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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