I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
