I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
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He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
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My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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