Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Randomize
