I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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