we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
