FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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