i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
