I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
