We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
