just survived the first fart of the relationship.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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