Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize