I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
