you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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