thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
