My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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