Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Swine flu. Run for my life!
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