Duck Duck Cougar?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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