I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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