Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You need Xanax blowdarts
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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