Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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