dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
