I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
