oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
