where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
