I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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