Soap is not a condiment
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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