I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
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Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
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Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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