omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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