I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
