Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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