Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
