I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
