I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
