oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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