he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
