Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
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You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
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You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize