Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
