and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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