Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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