Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
