Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
