So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
