She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
