Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (737): View more from Texas

  You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?

  (1-737): View more from Texas

  That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there

  (737): View more from Texas

  It's my parent's restaurant

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  (737): You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot? (1-737): That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there (737): It's my parent's restaurant http://tfl.nu/0xzo
  Replies (8) Good night (1133) Bad night (2770)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent

  (613): View more from Ontario

  I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM

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  (613): she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent (613): I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM http://tfl.nu/2tls
  Replies (24) Good night (1017) Bad night (5368)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?

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  (707): so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before? http://tfl.nu/2y4h
  Replies (50) Good night (866) Bad night (5797)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?

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  (845): would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high? http://tfl.nu/v2jv
  Replies (29) Good night (4157) Bad night (782)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.

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  (781): PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy. http://tfl.nu/qjlc
  Replies (9) Good night (4210) Bad night (550)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  oh fat girl friday strikes again...

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  (724): oh fat girl friday strikes again... http://tfl.nu/rgt0
  Replies (60) Good night (845) Bad night (4380)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...

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  (812): Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this... http://tfl.nu/q2aq
  Replies (13) Good night (4308) Bad night (1093)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.

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  (519): He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka. http://tfl.nu/8f21
  Replies (13) Good night (2579) Bad night (835)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.

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  (919): then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building. http://tfl.nu/wz5k
  Replies (6) Good night (1500) Bad night (557)
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.

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  (705): I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat. http://tfl.nu/3hhj
  Replies (12) Good night (2555) Bad night (1181)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.

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  (610): Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital. http://tfl.nu/08qs
  Replies (7) Good night (562) Bad night (1245)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  It's like earning obesity badges

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  (303): I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle (1-303): It's like earning obesity badges http://tfl.nu/mpfd
  Replies (3) Good night (749) Bad night (421)
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...

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  (417): I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him... http://tfl.nu/ae62
  Replies (2) Good night (323) Bad night (787)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.

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  (614): Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid. http://tfl.nu/08nh
  Replies (6) Good night (505) Bad night (197)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.

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  (317): I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate. http://tfl.nu/c5sn
  Replies (2) Good night (791) Bad night (230)

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