omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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