This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day