She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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