I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
tequila makes me forget i have legs
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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