whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
