im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Dick very happy bro
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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