dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
