I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
