Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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