He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
