3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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