His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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