So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Randomize
