Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
