thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
