Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
