On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
