My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I wear drunk well.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
