i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
