someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
