I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
