Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you have to choose: penises or morals?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
