My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Please, let me fuck your mom
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
