So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
