My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
