Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
When did angry sex become our thing?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
