I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I checked into jail on foursquare
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
