The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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