He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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