a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
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I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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