community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Randomize
