You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I want her autograph on my taint
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
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