Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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