I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
