if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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