Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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