Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Randomize
