Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
