barbara walters just said penis...
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
