You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
