What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
