I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
