I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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